You never know when, while doing a
work experience stint at News at Ten, the expert lined
up for the interview might suddenly drop dead and you are
forced into the chair to cover up the lack of knowledge
during an in-depth extended news item.
Or, you might find yourself down the pub talking shallow
politics with a group of fiends and getting annoyed over
the fact that your Ex's new partner seems to know everything
you know plus a little extra.
Here is the inside low-down on how to sound like an expert
in anything.
The key concept to grasp is this: There will always be
some smart Alec who knows a little bit more than you do
on any particular subject. So, unless you have the capacity
and time to learn absolutely everything, there is little
point in knowing much about anything.
The trick is to fool those around you into doubting what
they think they know. A questioner who knows little, but
is confident of the few facts they do possess, has a strong
foundation from which to launch a tirade of probing questions.
Someone who begins to doubt what they know will always
tread carefully in their questions in order to prevent
themselves looking like a half-baked mud hut.
Here are a few tricks intended to empower you to expert
mode on any subject. The examples given will be from the
point of view of a news interview, but can apply to any
situation. It is crucial to have one or two basic facts
onboard.
1. pronounce names in a different way to your questioner.
This can work with place names and people s names.
There are two ways of doing this, the subtle way and the
sledgehammer method.
The subtle way
If your questioner mentions Afghanistan, they are likely
to place the heaviest emphasis upon the AF, followed
by the STAN. By simply moving the inflection to the GHAN
or IS in the middle, you have subtly inferred that the
questioner had incorrectly pronounced the word.
Sledgehammer
A great example for the sledgehammer technique is Osama
bin Laden. If your questioner says Oh-Sarma bin Lay-den,
you say Oose-Umma bin Lar-dun.
If the person throws you a real tricky one, by using names
or places that are definitely pronounced in one way then
don't try and alter them. Leicester Square is always pronounced
lester skware and suddenly using the phrase Lie-chesters
queer will not fool anyone into thinking you know something
they don't.
In the case of a known place,
just move the place. "Of
course, what we call Leicester Square wasn't always where
we know it to be now. What we know as Leicester square
was Bovington green in those days. The original Leicester
Square was just round the corner on a much smaller plot
on the site of the current comedy store."
In the case of a person, simply
rename them. "Well,
that's the days when Iain Duncan Smith was going under
the name Duncan Smith, though most of his inner circle
simply knew him as Dunks."
2. Move the key event.
If the questioner mentions a key event that triggered off
the subject then simply mention an earlier event that
was the real trigger. Memorise a ladder of key events
and pick the one that is one or two events earlier that
the one first mentioned.
If the questioner attempts to
outmanoeuvre you and then refers to an event earlier
than your chosen one then don't
panic, but cleverly dismiss it. "Well, of course,
we could go right back to the flood." Now laugh in
a patronising manner. "Although there were many factors
leading up to this, the real point of inevitability was
undoubtedly... (You're now back to your chosen event)."
3. Throw in the unknown relative's influence.
If the questioner mentions something significant that the
subject did then question how much of this was really down
to them by simply saying, "Well, of course, we can't
ignore his brother's influence on that score."
You won't have to elaborate on that whatsoever. A knowing
chuckle added onto the end will help too.
By using these techniques together, you will leave the
questioner feeling like an ignorant fool without you ever
having to divulge any detailed information at all.
